


you and i, zero mile

by hyuckheis (johnyongs)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 01:42:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13136511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnyongs/pseuds/hyuckheis
Summary: Jeno wonders whether anyone in his class is really a Legilimens. He doesn’t know that much about them or whether they’d even react to something so dumb like someone yelling internally. Regardless, Jeno is bored, and doesn’t see why he can’t at least try.He takes a deep breath, ignoring the weird look from the Ravenclaw sitting next to him. He clears his head the best he can and closes his eyes, before imagining himself screaming at the top of his lungs.A chair clatters to the floor, and Jeno opens his eyes. Renjun’s on the ground, with his hands over his ears.





	you and i, zero mile

**Author's Note:**

> finally, the noren hogwarts au i've been complaining abt on twt  
> a massive thank u to reem who helped me w the writers block, and key for beta'ing this and being a rad bean  
> you guys r z best

Like with most things that end badly, it starts with Donghyuck.

 

Jeno rushes into his Advanced Transfiguration class, knowing full well that he’s violating just about every dress code rule based on the look Professor Lee gives him. Jeno shoots him his most charming smile before sliding into his seat in the back.

 

He sets his notebook and quill on his table, opening up to a new page, before looking up, feeling eyes on him. Jeno knows it’s Renjun before he looks up, because he’s pathetically attuned to Renjun _breathing._

 

When Jeno looks up, he catches Renjun’s soft smile. It’s brief, because Renjun turns his head back to the front quickly, but it makes Jeno feel like he’s flying. (“You’re like two slices of fool with moron in between,” Donghyuck had declared once. “An idiot sandwich.”)

 

 _I’d launch myself off the Astronomy tower if Renjun asked,_ Jeno thinks, resting his chin in his palm, resigning himself to admiring the back of Renjun’s head. He always did the worst in Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw classes because he spent most of his time staring at Renjun. It’s a miracle he passed his O.W.L.’s in fifth year with Renjun in DADA and Herbology.

 

Professor Lee is droning on about the nuances of changing objects of different metals (or something), and Jeno barely holds back a sigh. His vision is swimming, and he blinks furiously, trying to stay awake.

 

(“Ya’know what would be really-y crazy?” Donghyuck had slurred, drunk off of contraband Firewhiskey the previous weekend.

 

Jeno and Jaemin had stared at him imploringly. They weren’t drunk, but tipsy enough to take the things that came out of Donghyuck’s mouth seriously. If Jeno had been truly drunk, he wouldn’t be wearing nearly as many clothes.

 

“Like-- Leg-ligil-mens--”

 

“Legilimens?” Jaemin had supplied. Donghyuck snapped his fingers.

 

“Yeah! That! Like. What if…” Donghyuck had leant in to whisper, eyes unfocused. “What if someone--hic-- here was a Lilim--lelign--”

 

“Legilimens,” Jaemin and Jeno had chorused.

 

“What if someone here was a _mind reader?_ ” Donghyuck had hissed, looking around the empty Slytherin common room suspiciously.

 

“Don’t you have to register if you’re a Legilimens?” Jaemin had asked, by far the least drunk of the three.

 

Donghyuck had shrugged, the movements exaggerated. “Like, what if we could--hic-- _test_ it? LIke-- I dunno, man, like, _yell_ in our minds! A Legi-whatever could hear it right?” Jeno didn’t know, so he had stayed silent. He had missed the lessons on Legilimens in DADA because he’d been hungover.)

 

The memory comes back to him then, and he sits up a little straighter. Professor Lee is still rambling, his hands moving animatedly about a subject no one really cares about. Jeno glances furtively at his class, and everyone looks similarly disengaged, except for a few, including Renjun.

 

 _He knows everything, he’s so smart,_ Jeno thinks fondly. _So hardworking, so focused._ He wonders if Renjun would be the same as a boyfriend? No, that’s a dangerous subject.

 

Jeno wonders whether anyone in his class is really a Legilimens. He doesn’t know that much about them or whether they’d even react to something so _dumb_ like someone yelling internally. Regardless, Jeno is bored, and doesn’t see why he can’t at least _try._

 

He takes a deep breath, ignoring the weird look from the Ravenclaw sitting next to him. He clears his head the best he can and closes his eyes, before imagining himself screaming at the top of his lungs.

 

A chair clatters to the floor, and Jeno opens his eyes. Renjun’s on the ground, with his hands over his ears.

  


I.

 

 

The platform is absolute chaos, teeming with witches and wizards of all shapes and sizes. Jeno is in awe of everything, from the famous Hogwarts steam train, the thudding of baggage being unloaded, the cries of mothers parting with their children, and the childrens’ reluctant cries of embarrassment.

 

“If you get into trouble, Donghyuck Lee, I swear to Merlin--”

 

“Relax, mom,” Donghyuck says, rolling his eyes and smacking his bubblegum between his teeth. Donghyuck’s mother sighs in resignation, and turns to Jeno, smile immediately warming.

 

“Call if you need anything, sweetheart,” she says, opening her arms, and Jeno willingly steps into her embrace. His own father hadn’t bothered to show up, but he doesn’t mind. “I’m sorry in advance for whatever trouble he cooks up.”

 

“I’ll try to keep us out of detention,” Jeno says, not because he thinks that’ll happen, but because he has to at least attempt to be a dutiful friend. Donghyuck tugs at Jeno’s sleeve impatiently, and Donghyuck’s mother gives them on last smile before Jeno is dragged away.

 

They weave through the crowd of people, and Jeno takes care not to jostle the pet carrier in his hand. Bongsik meows despondently. “Jaemin will probably be here in a minute,” Donghyuck informs him as they board the train. It’s pretty obvious who is a first year and who isn’t-- all the older students have their set group of friends already, smiling and laughing with ease. Jeno can’t relate.

 

They wander down the train, peering into compartments until Donghyuck slams one open. “Hi, are those seats taken?” Jeno peers over Donghyuck’s shoulder to look at the boy sitting in a corner, alone.

 

“Uh… no.” His voice is ridiculously quiet, and his face looks a little pinched. Donghyuck has that effect on people.

 

“Sweet.” Without further ado, Donghyuck walks into the compartment like he owns it and plops down across from the boy. “I’m Donghyuck Lee.”

 

“Renjun Huang.” The boy’s smile is soft and timid, much like his voice. Jeno has a brief internal meltdown, trying to decide whether or not to sit next to Donghyuck. He eventually takes a seat next to Renjun, who looks as surprised as Jeno feels right now.

 

“Jeno Lee,” he offers, with his trademark bright smile.

 

Renjun smiles a little more. “Nice to meet you.”

 

Bongsik decides to announce her presence then, and Jeno curses, before taking her gingerly out of the carrier she’d been cooped up in for the last hour and a half. “I’m sorry BongBong,” he coos, pressing a kiss to her head, and then promptly sneezes. Bongsik is nonplussed.

 

“This idiot is allergic,” Donghyuck explains. Jeno holds Bongsik closer and scowls.

 

“Can I pet her?” Renjun asks in that quiet voice.

 

“Uh…” Jeno looks down at his beloved Russian Blue, who is most probably a psychopath. Jaemin has a permanent scar on his chest to prove it. “She’s not really… friendly.”

 

Renjun’s lips tug down. “Oh, okay.”

 

“But you can try!” Jeno offers, because frowning doesn’t look good on Renjun’s face. _Behave, Bongsik,_ Jeno thinks over and over again, as Renjun reaches forward tentatively, letting Bongsik sniff his fingers, before petting her fur gently.

 

And Bongsik honest-to-god _purrs._

 

“What.” Jeno watches as Bongsik leans into Renjun’s hand. Renjun laughs, a bright, tinkling sound, and turns his body a little more to accommodate. Bongsik _never_ purrs for Jeno.

 

“A Christmas miracle,” Donghyuck says, with wide eyes.

 

Everybody jerks when the carriage door slides open again, and Jaemin appears. “I thought I smelled rats in here.” His grin is bright and toothy as he introduces himself to Renjun. Bongsik leaps out of Jeno’s lap, startling everybody, and settles into Renjun’s lap.

 

“Uh… do you mind?” Renjun asks, and Jeno shakes his head, ignoring Jaemin’s _look._ Bongsik looks comfortable, and falls asleep almost immediately after Renjun starts petting her again. Jeno pushes down the stab of jealousy and betrayal, and convinces himself he doesn’t want cat hair all over his new set of robes, anyway.

 

\--

 

The train ride goes about as one might expect, with Jeno, Jaemin, and Donghyuck, all kept enclosed in a compartment for an extended period of time. They get sugar-high off jelly skulls and chocolate frogs, waving their wands around without a clue what they’re doing, and crack up over nothing. Renjun doesn’t talk much, just stares out the window and cuddles with Bongsik in his lap. Jeno almost forgets he’s even there.

 

When they get out of the train, they’re greeted by a tall, cheerful man who introduces himself as Professor Seo, Keeper of the Grounds and the Care of Magical Beasts instructor. Renjun looks especially mousy next to him, and stays a bit behind the rest of the first years as they step into the boats.

 

As the boats move across the lake and get closer to the school, Jeno’s jaw drops in awe. He’s seen Hogwarts in pictures, of course, but nothing quite compares to the real thing-- an ancient, towering castle right at the top of a cliff. Lights from the windows stand out against the darkness of the night, and as they get closer, it strikes Jeno just how _large_ Hogwarts is. How does anyone ever get around?

 

Professor Seo helps them off the boats and to an entrance at the base of the castle, where another professor is waiting for them. “Best of luck,” Professor Seo says, before patting the other man on the back and disappearing down the hall.

 

“Good evening students. I am Professor Kim, and for the next seven years, I will be instructing you in Potions.” Jeno wonders if, as they get older, Professor Kim’s pinched expression will eventually relax. “We will enter the Great Hall, at which time you will be sorted into your houses. These houses will be your home for the duration of your stay here at Hogwarts.”

 

Professor Kim sets them all in a neat file in alphabetical order, before turning on his heel and striding down the hall. Everyone shuffles along behind, entering the Great Hall.

 

“Shiiiiiit--” Jaemin says from behind him. Jeno stifles a smile, trying to take everything in with wide eyes. At their entrance, everyone sitting at the long four tables turn, eyeing the new batch of students with curiosity. The ceiling seems like never-ending sky, lit by what seems like millions of floating candles.

 

They approach the front of the Great Hall, facing a long table of stony-faced professors. Headmistress Bae, small but terrifying, welcomes the new students. Professor Kim then brings out the Sorting Hat, which looks like it’s definitely seen better days. (Or maybe it hasn’t. Maybe it was always this ugly, old-looking thing, even when it was new. _Maybe it was the fashion, millenia ago._ ) From in front of Jeno, Renjun slaps his hand over his mouth.

 

The first parts of the sorting are fascinating. When it’s Renjun’s turn, Jeno watches with interest as the small boy hops onto the stool and has the hat placed on his head, so big that it falls over his eyes.

 

 _“Oh, quite the brain we have here. You are of a very unique talent, are you not, Mr. Huang?”_ From his seat, Renjun gulps. _“There’s nowhere that will fit you better than Ravenclaw!”_ The Ravenclaw table bursts into applause, and Professor Kim removes the Sorting Hat. Renjun sighs in relief before scurrying over to his new house’s table.

 

There are five more students that go before Donghyuck.

 

 _“You’ve a mind for trouble, haven’t you? It’ll have to be Slytherin!”_ Donghyuck hops off his seat with a smirk, shooting finger guns at Jeno, who belatedly realizes he’s next. The five-pace journey from his spot to the stool is terrifying, and the Sorting Hat smells overwhelmingly of mothballs when it’s placed on his head.

 

 _“Well, isn’t this a curious case?”_ Jeno bites his lip. _“You come from a very long line of Slytherins, don’t you?”_ Jeno winces, because his family history isn’t exactly something he wants announced to the entire school.

 

 _But you have a warm heart._ Jeno startles as the Sorting Hat speaks into his mind instead, voice warmer than before. _Loyalty runs in your veins, kindness takes precedent._

 

 _But my best friend is in Slytherin,_ Jeno finds himself saying. He’s arguing with the Sorting Hat. Great. Another point on the list of things that really should not be happening to Jeno on his first day at Hogwarts.  _And my other best friend will probably be in Slytherin too._

 

_If they’re truly your friends, then being in different houses won’t change that, will it?_

 

“But--” Jeno says aloud.

 

_“I’ll put you in Hufflepuff!”_

 

It takes Jeno a moment to realize what’s just happened.

 

(The last thing Jeno’s father said to him was, “Make our house proud, son.” Now there is no _our house._ There is _Jeno’s family’s house,_ and _Jeno’s house._ He wonders how much trouble he’s going to get in when everybody realizes the Lee family’s long reign in Slytherin has come to an anticlimactic end.)

 

He’s a little dazed as he walks to the Hufflepuff table. He hears Jaemin getting sorted into Slytherin as an older student, blonde, with deep dimples pats the spot next to him. “Jaehyun Jung, Prefect. It’s good to have you.”

 

“Thanks,” Jeno says, forcing himself to smile. He’s worried, yes, but everyone looks so friendly, immediately pulling him into conversation. From across the hall, he shoots Donghyuck and Jaemin a reassuring thumbs up.

 

_If they’re truly your friends, then being in different houses won’t change that, will it?_

  


II.

 

 

It’s not the hair.

 

“It’s the hair,” Donghyuck says over breakfast. Jeno’s sitting at the Slytherin table, nursing a bowl of Cheeri Owls that are turning soggy, but no one really bats an eye.

 

“Wonder why he changed it?” Jaemin muses, reading over this morning’s edition of the _Daily Prophet._ Jeno looks surreptitiously around the mostly empty Great Hall. Everyone’s already started heading to classes, and the first joint Hufflepuff-Slytherin Potions class of their second year is starting in ten minutes, but Donghyuck _swears_ he knows a shortcut, so they slept in late.

 

“It looks a lot better than the black.”

 

“The black was fine,” Jeno says quietly, pushing away his cereal. When he blinks, he can still see the image of Renjun Huang and his fire-engine red hair from across the Great Hall, imprinted into the back of his eyelids.  

 

“Yeah but the red really--” Donghyuck makes a gesture with his hands. “-- _pops._ ”

 

Jeno can’t really deny that. Renjun wasn’t the kind of person who stood out naturally. He wasn’t loud and obnoxious (like Donghyuck), or charming and popular (like Jaemin). He was quiet, bookish, and the only thing that had distinguished him in their first year was the fact that he was top of the class in almost all their subjects.

 

After that first day, Jeno hadn’t interacted much with Renjun. If they passed in the halls, Jeno smiled at him. Bongsik had a strange affinity for Renjun, so sometimes they exchanged pleasantries while Renjun apologetically handed a protesting Bongsik over to Jeno in the halls.

 

Last night, during the start of term feast, things had changed a little bit. Renjun’s hair stuck out like a siren’s call, and Jeno couldn’t stop _staring._ Other people had noticed, of course, but the murmurs died as soon as they started, because someone dying their hair _red_ is hardly the weirdest thing to ever happen at Hogwarts.

 

“Shit, we gotta go,” Donghyuck hisses suddenly, grabbing Jeno by the arm. The Potions classroom is all the way in the dungeons, and they only have five minutes to get there. Jeno hopes Donghyuck’s shortcut works.

 

(It doesn’t. Naturally.)

 

(Professor Kim docks five points from each of them for being late. Then another five for the headache they will undoubtedly cause as the class progresses.)

 

\--

 

“Sorry,” Renjun says quietly, handing Bongsik to Jeno outside of the library.

 

“It’s not your fault.” Jeno laughs and hopes he doesn’t sound too jealous that his familiar would rather spend her time curled up with Renjun Huang in the library than cuddle with _him._ Bongsik meows, like she’s saying it’s _Jeno’s fault_ for not being Renjun. Okay.

 

Renjun cracks a smile, and Jeno notices, with no small amount of shock, that Renjun has a little dimple on his left cheek, and a snaggletooth. It’s cuter than it should be, and Jeno hardly has time to look anymore, because Renjun’s pursing his lips together.

 

“Uh…” This is the part where Jeno bids Renjun good night and walks back to the Hufflepuff common room, wondering where he’ll have to look for Bongsik next. Instead, he says, “I’m… uh. Trying out for the Quidditch team tomorrow.”

 

_Idiot, why would Renjun care?_

 

Renjun seems just as surprised as Jeno feels at his attempt at further conversation. “Oh, good luck. I hope you do well.” Jeno finds himself beaming.

 

“Thanks. I’m trying out for Chaser.”

 

Renjun nods, but his eyes are a little vacant. “Ah. I don’t know much about Quidditch, sorry. Is that an important position?”

 

Jeno gapes at him. Then, he launches into a brief lecture about how Chasers are the most underrated but most important players in the game.

 

“Are you sure you’re not just biased?” It takes Jeno a moment to realize Renjun is _teasing_ him, and the snaggletooth makes a reappearance.

 

“I’m not!” Jeno denies vehemently. “It’s true, Chasers are the real underdogs.”

 

Renjun considers him for a moment. “You don’t seem like an underdog to me, Jeno Lee.” Jeno doesn’t know how to respond to that. He can’t even decide if it’s a compliment or an insult. “It’s a compliment,” Renjun says, like he’s reading Jeno’s mind. Then, another teasing smile. “Maybe.”

 

“Uh…” _Moron._

 

“Anyways--” Renjun sticks his thumb towards the library entrance. “I need to get back to studying.”

 

“Oh. Right. Yeah, sorry to keep you.” Jeno’s face is flaming for unidentifiable reasons. Renjun shakes his head, smiling softly at Jeno. “G-good night.”

 

“Night, Jeno.”

 

He’s halfway to the basement when he stops and wonders why his heart is racing.

  


III.

 

 

“I can’t believe you’re making us take this class,” Jaemin grumbles as they walk down the rocky slope towards Professor Seo’s cottage along the border of the Forbidden Forest. Jeno has a little bit of anxiety being this close to the very place Headmistress Bae had warned them never to go.

 

Naturally, Donghyuck and Jaemin have been trying to drag Jeno along on late-night adventures for a while, to no avail. Jeno values his life.

 

“It was either this or Arithmancy,” Jeno retorts, almost twisting his ankle on a loose rock. Donghyuck snickers, and Jeno shoves him.

 

“Don’t even _say_ that word around me.” Jaemin scowls. Nobody likes Arithmancy. “I’d rather get bitten by a fire crab.”

 

In usual fashion, the three of them are the last to show up at the edge of the forest, trying to blend in among the other Third Years. Elective classes are small enough that students from all four houses are here, and Jeno is surprised to see Renjun among the crowd. His bright red hair has faded into a more subtle peach color. When their eyes meet, Jeno shoots him a grin. Renjun smiles back in that quiet way of his, and Jeno feels abjectly pleased.

 

“Morning, kids!” Professor Seo says in that deep bellowing voice, grinning without a care in the world. He’s one of Hogwarts’ most beloved professors, and it’s easy to see why. “This class is going to be a lot of fun, but that’s no reason to slack off.” He looks pointedly at Donghyuck, who snickers.

 

“Since it’s the first day, I want to do something fun, get the year off to a good start.” There are excited murmurs among the students. “So I’ll introduce you all to a friend of mine.” Professor Seo whistles, and there’s a brief moment of silence, before the ground vibrates with pounding hooves. From the line of trees, a magnificent hippogriff bursts forth.

 

Jeno steps back instinctively, along with most of the class. He’s never seen a hippogriff in real life, and they’re larger and far more intimidating than he imagined.

 

“This is Lula, and as most of you might have already guessed, she’s a hippogriff.” Professor Seo surveys his students with a stern look. “The most important thing to know about hippogriffs is that they are proud creatures. They will only respect you if you show it first.”

 

Lula the hippogriff stands tall, large black eyes watching the students with a critical eye.

 

“Mr. Huang, would you like to demonstrate how to properly approach Lula?”

 

Jeno, along with everyone else, snaps their attention to the Ravenclaw, who shrinks back at the sudden attention.

 

“How would he know?” Donghyuck wonders. Jeno shrugs, watching closely as Renjun gulps and nods, slowly breaking away from the group of students to approach the hippogriff. From about twenty feet away, Renjun bends at the waist to bow, keeping his head up, staring right at Lula.

 

There are a few seconds of silent tension, and Renjun doesn’t dare move. Jeno holds his breath, heart beating so fast it hurts. Slowly, Lula approaches Renjun, and it’s almost comical how much larger she is in comparison. Renjun stays absolutely still, until Lula bends her head down to nuzzle Renjun’s cheek.

 

Renjun straightens up slowly, smiling, and Lula nudges his temple with her beak. Renjun laughs, reaching up to pet Lula on the head, and Jeno lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

 

Lula lets out a pleased squawk, flapping her impressive wings. Renjun just beams up at her, before stepping back.

 

“Well done, Mr. Huang!” Professor Seo says. Lula trills, as if to agree. “When approaching a hippogriff, you must bow, to show your respect. Maintain eye contact, so that they know you mean no harm. If they approve of you, they will approach. If they don’t, well--” Professor Seo laughs in good humor, but Jeno doesn’t really see how imminent death is funny.

 

“Is there a brave soul who wants to try it?” Jeno doesn’t think he’s brave enough to approach a giant hippogriff. Naturally, his friends are much different. Donghyuck raises his hand.

 

“Dude, don’t,” Jeno hisses, tugging on his friend’s robe, but Donghyuck just shakes him off, walking up to the spot Renjun had just been in.

 

“If he dies at least it won’t be boring,” Jaemin says, though his eyebrows are pinched in worry.

 

Donghyuck huffs, rolling back his shoulders, and lowers his body into a deep bow. Lula looks at him and clacks her hooves against the ground. She starts to approach, before changing her mind. She reers herself onto her back legs, flapping her wings, and Donghyuck falls back on his ass with a frightened yelp.

 

“Easy, Lula,” Professor Seo says, coming to Donghyuck’s side and helping him up. To everyone’s stunned surprise, it’s Renjun who walks up to Lula, pace careful, and he stares at the hippogriff with a frown.

 

Lula makes an annoyed sound, and Renjun’s mouth tugs up into a smile. He murmurs something, but Jeno is too far away to hear. The hippogriff calms down, her body relaxing considerably. She walks closer to Renjun, and Jeno finds himself stepping forward without thinking.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Jaemin hisses, holding him back by the back of his robes.

 

Jeno watches helplessly as Lula presses beak carefully to Renjun’s chest. Her face is about as large as most of Renjun’s upper body, and she could probably hurt him in an instant. But Renjun looks at ease, patting Lula’s head, smoothing her feathers. And then, with a final squawk, Lula steps back and turns, galloping back into the forest.

 

Immediately, everyone bursts into whispers. Jeno finds himself running towards Renjun. “Are you okay?” he asks, looking for any sign of distress in Renjun’s face.

 

“Huh? I’m fine, Jeno.” Renjun looks surprised at Jeno’s concern. “Lula’s sweet, she wouldn’t hurt me.”

 

“She’s a _hippogriff,_ ” Jeno says, bewildered. “Of course she could hurt you.”

 

Before Renjun can think to respond, Professor Seo walks up to them sheepishly. “Well, that didn’t go exactly as planned, did it?”

 

Renjun smiles, warm and reassuring. “Lula’s just shy,” he says, and Jeno wonders how he can talk to a professor with this kind of ease. “Maybe next time we should ask Julius.”

 

Professor Seo considers Renjun’s words seriously. “I think we’ll have to.” He nods, before walking back towards the group of students.

 

Jaemin and Donghyuck rush up to Jeno’s side, and immediately begin bombarding Renjun with questions.

 

“How did you do that?”

 

“Are you close with Professor Seo?”

 

“Were you communicating telepathically?

 

Renjun looks a little overwhelmed, and Jeno elbows Donghyuck’s side, because he’s the closest. “Shut up,” he hisses, even though he’s curious too.

 

“Uh… I help Professor Seo on weekends sometimes? Taking care of the creatures.” To Renjun’s visible relief, the teacher in question calls him over, and he flashes an apologetic smile. “Excuse me.”

 

Jaemin and Donghyuck turn to Jeno next. “What the fuck? What the _fuck?_ ” Donghyuck frowns. “I didn’t know you and Renjun were friends?”

 

“I-- we’re not. Really.” Jeno scratches the back of his neck. They’re acquaintances, at best. At this point, it was also pretty fair to say they were Bongsik’s co-humans. And maybe Jeno thought he was cute. That was totally irrelevant, though.

 

Jaemin regards Jeno carefully. “Alright.”

 

\--

 

Jeno has been looking forward to Hogsmeade weekends since before he even started attending Hogwarts. There’s something liberating about getting to go into town with his friends and just have _fun._ Since third year started, they’ve been bogged down with assignments and exams in rapid succession. And the Quidditch season was fast approaching-- Hufflepuff would play Ravenclaw towards the end of the term, and Jeno wants to enjoy his free weekends while he can, before practice starts in earnest.

 

They end up at Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes (formerly known as Zonko’s Joke Shop) at Donghyuck’s insistence, looking over the wares. “Hogwarts doesn’t allow half this stuff on the grounds,” Donghyuck explains quietly, wrinkling his nose as he sets a Dungbomb back on the shelf. Regardless, he ends up buying a bunch of Splashing Pens (“There’s this asshole Gryffindor in my Transfiguration class.”) and a screaming yo-yo.

 

They fill up their candy stock at Honeyduke’s before making their way to the Three Broomsticks for warm butterbeer to fend off the autumn chill. The inn isn’t too crowded when they walk in.

 

“Hey, isn’t that Renjun?” Jaemin asks, and Jeno’s head snaps towards the direction his friend points in. It is, in fact, Renjun, who seems engrossed in conversation with another boy.

 

“And Chenle,” Donghyuck adds, dropping down into an empty booth. Jeno recalls Chenle to be a second year Slytherin. (“He should have just been a Gryffindor, he won’t stop fucking _screaming.”_ ) He unwinds his silver-green scarf with a sniff of disdain. “I didn’t know they were friends.”

 

Jeno didn’t either. He didn’t know Renjun had friends _period._ He knows he’s not the most observant person ever, but it’s jarring to know that Renjun probably has a life and relationships outside of those marginal interactions he shares with Jeno. It starts with what Donghyuck has coined the Lula Problem, and now, as Jeno watches Renjun laugh brightly at something Chenle says, he feels his world tilting a little more on its axis.

 

He doesn’t really know Renjun at all.

  


IV.

  


The thing about Jeno is that he is not always an active participant in his life. Sometimes stuff just _happens_ to him.

 

When he has friends like Jaemin and Donghyuck, stuff happens to him _a lot,_ most of which land him in some sort of trouble with authority. He’s too nice to say no, and his friends know that, so he always ends up roped into their crazy pranks.

 

(“No, it’ll be really funny!” Donghyuck insists, as he charms all the tea leaves in Professor Moon’s classroom so that when they’re read in class the next day, everyone will see the mark of death. As Jeno acts as the look-out, he wonders what would happen if Donghyuck used his knack for spells for good instead of evil.)

 

The prank goes as expected-- everyone screams, tea is spilled, Professor Moon _faints._ It’s easy to figure out who did it when Donghyuck is rolling on the floor in laughter. It’s also easy to figure out why, in the last four years, Slytherin has never come _close_ to winning the House Cup, given how many points get deducted for the stunts Donghyuck and Jaemin pull, with Jeno involved tangentially.

 

Professor Kim looks like he’s out for blood when Jeno and Donghyuck end up in his office. Donghyuck’s assigned detention with Madame Kang in the infirmary for three months. (“Maybe changing bedpans during the weekends will keep you busy, Mr. Lee.”)

 

Jeno’s punishment is far more lenient, as though Professor Kim _knows_ Jeno’s participation in this is purely due to him being a doormat. Which is why he’s standing at the edge of the Forbidden Forest with Professor Seo and Renjun in the dead of night.

 

“We’re not supposed to go in there,” Jeno says, voice shaking. Renjun raises an eyebrow at him, and Jeno feels distinctly like an idiot.

 

“Because we don’t want students to run into the centaurs and die because they said something rude on accident,” Professor Seo says cheerily. Jeno winces and pulls his cloak tighter around his body. Professor Seo hands Jeno and Renjun two large buckets each, filled to the brim with raw beef. Despite Renjun’s small frame, he lifts them with no trouble. “Just yell if there’s a problem. I’ll probably hear you.”

 

“Probably--” Jeno starts, but Renjun is already walking past the thick line of trees. Jeno grabs the buckets by the handle and trods after him.

 

“You look like you’re gonna pass out,” Renjun says, when Jeno jumps for the fifth time at some noise only he can apparently hear.

 

“It’s the Forbidden Forest,” Jeno protests, almost tripping over a tree root. Renjun snickers, and Jeno flushes all the way to his toes in embarrassment.

 

“We’re not going that far in,” Renjun says, as if that’ll keep Jeno’s heart from bursting out of his chest. He finds a little comfort in the fact that Renjun seems to know what he’s doing.

 

“What are we doing?” Jeno finally thinks to ask. Renjun doesn’t need to answer, because they come to a clearing teaming with thestrals. It’s strange seeing them when they’re not harnessed to carriages, and a little frightening too. He thinks back to every time Lula the hippogriff (or her friend Julius) made an appearance during lessons, and decides he prefers her magnificence to the nearly-horrific appearance of the thestrals.

 

One of the creatures comes to Renjun immediately, who reaches into one of the buckets and tosses a chunk of meat into the air. The thestral catches it in its mouth and trots away. This makes several others curious, who approach Renjun and Jeno both.

 

“You can see thestrals?” Jeno asks, reaching into one of his own buckets, tossing the beef off to the side when one thestral gets a little too close for his liking.

 

“So can you,” Renjun says, in lieu of an answer. Jeno ponders that while he feeds the creatures. Soon, the buckets are empty, and the thestrals lose interest, except one, who nuzzles against Renjun until he giggles. It’s like some sort of nightmare, watching a young thestral seemingly wanting to play with a human, but Renjun has a strange way with creatures, as Jeno has managed to deduce.

 

“Go on,” Renjun urges, pushing the friendly thestral away, and watches fondly as the thestral joins the others.

 

“My mom died,” Jeno blurts out, and winces when it sounds really really awful. “I-- what I mean is--” He sighs, fighting the urge to run his hands through his hair until he’s washed them thoroughly. “My mom… when I was little. She had some sort of Muggle illness. She died in her bed while I was in the room.”

 

Renjun looks at him with impossibly warm eyes. “I’m sorry to hear that, Jeno.”

 

“It was a long time ago.” Jeno ducks his head, copying Renjun when he picks up his buckets. “I don’t really remember her.” He doesn’t mention that since then, his father has been distant to the point of neglect, but it’s his mother’s fading memory hurts the most. “Just that she used to give the best hugs.”

 

“She sounds lovely.” Renjun’s voice isn’t pitiful. If anything, it’s colored with an empathy that Jeno is unfamiliar with. “My mom’s in Azkaban.” Jeno stops in his tracks. Renjun stops too, and his face is carefully blank when Jeno looks at him. “So, I don’t really know her either.” A million things run through Jeno’s mind, and he can’t really settle on any one.

 

He chews on his lip, glancing at Jeno like he’s not sure how much else he should reveal. “I can see thestrals because there was this car crash, when I was ten. One of the people died on impact. I saw it happen.”

 

“Oh,” is all Jeno can think to say. “I’m sorry.”

 

Renjun does this shoulder-shrug-head-shake, forging ahead with a renewed intent. Jeno, despite having longer legs, struggles to keep up with the pace.

 

“You’re not doing this because you have detention, right?” Jeno asks, struggling not to sound winded as he trails after Renjun.

 

“I want to work with animals,” Renjun explains.

 

“You’re good with them,” Jeno, captain of the obvious, says. He sighs in relief when he sees the familiar lights of Hogwarts through the gaps in the trees. “Do you do this every day?”

 

“Johnny-- I mean Professor Seo-- won’t let me.” Renjun smiles wryly. “I would if I could, though.”

 

“I’m the same with Quidditch,” Jeno divulges.

 

Renjun looks at him with interest. “Is that what you want to do when you get older?”

 

Jeno shrugs. “Maybe? I’m not really good at anything else.”

 

“I’m sure you’re good at plenty of things,” Renjun tries.

 

Jeno beams. “It’s cute that you think so highly of me, Junnie.” He keeps his million-dollar smile in place, even though internally, he screams, wondering how he could have let a nickname slip when they don’t even really know each other that well.

 

Renjun just scoffs and rolls his eyes.

  


V.

 

 

Renjun is blonde. The observation startles Jeno so much that he stops in his tracks, in the middle of the path on the way to Honeyduke’s.

 

He stands there outside the window of Madame Puddifoot’s Tea Shop, watching Renjun laugh at something Chenle’s said. He tips his head back and covers his mouth, his hair flopping back with the motion. There’s another kid with Renjun-- some Slytherin kid named Jisung who’s taken to following Renjun and Chenle around and pretending he isn’t.

 

Renjun slaps Jisung’s arm, eyes swimming with mirth, and Jeno feels an ugly curl of what he realizes in horror is _jealousy._ He’s never made Renjun laugh like that. (“You’re not funny, Jeno,” Jaemin had said once, with absolute finality.) Is Chenle funny? He must be, if he can make Renjun smile that way.

 

It feels like Renjun is just becoming more and more beautiful as the days pass. Every time Jeno gets detention and meets Renjun at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, it feels like he’s been clobbered over the head with a broomstick. He _knows_ what this is. But he’s going to fight to the death to never have to admit it out loud.

 

They’re not even friends, are they? Sure, they talk sometimes, though Renjun seems hell-bent on never revealing anything about himself ever again after that one day in the woods. Jeno is still burning with curiosity, but he’s not invasive, and he’s definitely not going to push.

 

“What’s wrong with you?” Jaemin asks, doubling back when he realizes Jeno isn’t next to him. Donghyuck has detention (again), and Professor Kim had found it apt to revoke his Hogsmeade privileges until after the holidays.

 

“Nothing.” But he’s scowling, and Jeno isn’t really that good at masking his feelings. He feels weirdly possessive of Renjun, and it’s always jarring to see him out having fun with others. It makes Jeno feel like whatever moments they share are just… nothing special. It’s terrifying, having these thoughts.

 

Jaemin blinks at him. “Right.” He looks past Jeno, at the storefront of Madame Puddifoot’s, and something in his face flashes with realization. “You wanna go inside?” he asks.

 

“No,” Jeno says, shaking his head with finality. _I don’t want to go inside unless it’s with Renjun._ Almost immediately, Renjun’s head jerks towards the window, and he looks straight at Jeno. His face flames in humiliation, totally caught, and he ducks his head. “Let’s go,” he mumbles, dragging Jaemin down the snow-laden path.

 

\--

 

“Are you worried about O.W.L.’s?” Renjun asks. They’re resting against the trunk of a willow. The moon is almost full, and it casts a beautiful light against Renjun’s face. Jeno’s here for detention again, after helping Donghyuck and Jaemin swap out all the normal quills in the Potions classroom with exploding ones for the Seventh Years.

 

It’s supposed to be a punishment, but Jeno doesn’t really mind getting to spend more time with Renjun. He’s debated considerably just going to help Renjun, detention or not, but he always chickens out. His friends are scarily observant (especially Jaemin, after that moment at Hogsmeade), and Jeno isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say to Renjun if he shows up out of the blue, without the excuse of Professor Kim’s wrathe to protect him.

 

Jeno shrugs. “Not really? I don’t think it’s gonna be really relevant if I play Quidditch professionally, right?”

 

Renjun hums, though there’s a smirk playing at his lips. “Oh, I don’t know. Don’t you regularly use Herbology theory when you’re planning strategy?”

 

Jeno snorts. “Only sometimes.” He likes this-- the easy back-and-forth banter that they have. Renjun is snarkier than he appears, rivaling even Donghyuck. Jeno has been the victim of many jokes in the past couple years. It’s nice having Renjun all to himself, with no interruptions. That feeling of possessiveness claws at his chest, but he tamps it down. “I don’t think my dad’ll care either way.”

 

Renjun makes a noise of question. Jeno just shrugs. “He doesn’t really… care, I guess. Ever since mom died.” At the concern swimming in Renjun’s eyes, he hurries to clarify. “It’s okay, though! I spend a lot of time at Donghyuck and Jaemin’s places. Their families are great.”

 

He fixes a grin on his face that feels plastic. Renjun sighs, poking the corner of Jeno’s lips. “You don’t have to pretend it’s okay, you know.” Jeno’s smile drops immediately, the skin where Renjun touched him burning. “I don’t know my dad. Apparently he left when he found out my mom was pregnant, so.” There’s a wry smile, but his eyes are sad. Jeno resists the urge to hold his hand.

 

“Anyways, I live with my grandparents. They’re the best people in the whole world.”

 

“I’m sure they are,” Jeno says with certainty. If they raised such an amazing person like Renjun, then there’s no other option, really. Renjun ducks his head, and his ears are tinged pink. The color stands out against the sandy blonde of his hair. “Are _you_ worried about O.W.L.’s?” Jeno repeats Renjun’s question from earlier, because he senses it’s time to change the subject.

 

“A little.”

 

Jeno nudges Renjun’s side gently with his elbow, trying to get rid of Renjun’s grimace. “But you have the best grades in our year. What do you have to be nervous about?”

 

Renjun huffs a laugh. “Aren’t you one of the best Chasers at Hogwarts or something?” The fact that Renjun _knows_ this makes Jeno’s chest puff out with pride.

 

“Aw, Junnie, have you been watching Quidditch?” Jeno pokes Renjun’s stomach, only to have his wrist twisted at a very painful angle behind his shoulder. “ _Ow ow ow--”_ Renjun lets him go with an annoyed huff. Jeno pouts, shaking out his throbbing hand.

 

“I haven’t really been to any games,” Renjun admits, ears tipped red again. “Just… uh. You’re pretty popular, so people talk. I.. hear things. That’s all.”

 

Jeno cradles his hand to his chest, frowning. He knows he’s relatively well-liked at school, but he wouldn’t call himself _popular,_ exactly. Though, in hindsight, there always seems to be people willing to make out with him if he asks. “You should come to a game.” He smiles teasingly. “Come see me play in person.”

 

Renjun shrugs, playful. “Maybe I will.”

  


VI.

 

 

Whoever decided to let Donghyuck be the school’s Quidditch announcer is a moron, or maybe a genius. While he is, in fact, hilarious, most of his scathing commentary revolves around inappropriate jokes and doing this really impressive thing during Gryffindor games where he half insults, half compliments the captain and Head Boy, Mark Lee. Who also happens to be dating Donghyuck. Who is also _that asshole_ in Donghyuck’s Transfigurations class from ages ago.

 

Jeno didn’t even know until he found them making out in the locker rooms earlier this year. He wishes he could just scrub his memory of that moment.

 

“Honestly, Kwon, my _grandmother’s_ a better Keeper than you!” Donghyuck says with fervor. Next to him, Professor Kim’s expression becomes more and more pained. He’s all but given up trying to tell Donghyuck to tone it down-- it doesn’t work. When Donghyuck was removed from his _duty_ last year, an honest-to-Merlin petition went around the school trying to get him reinstated. Jeno thinks it’s a mistake.

 

“Anyways, we have the _best_ house, Slytherin-- _what,_ Professor, it totally is, don’t pretend like you don’t think so-- in a slight lead with seventy points, and our _adorable_ Huffle-puffles not far behind with sixty. NaNa and Bin are still on the lookout for the Snitch, we might be here all day, folks.”

 

Jeno hardly has time to pay attention to Donghyuck’s commentary, getting in formation with Lucas and Lami, the other two Chasers on the Hufflepuff team. Their strategy is scoring as many points as they can before either house finds the Snitch so that they’ll be in the lead for the final match.

 

“Jeno passes to Lucas, who passes to Lami, who _barely_ keeps the Quaffle from NingNing-- you _snake_ you’re gonna get penalized for shit-- I mean _stuff_ like this-- Lami passes back to Lucas who aims for the goal and _oh!_ Ten points to Hufflepuff!”

 

The crowd roars with applause, and there’s a bit of a pause in the game as everyone resets. Jeno takes the chance to move higher up in the air, keeping an eye on the entire pitch. He’s being groomed for captaincy next year by Seokmin, so he’s getting good practice.

 

The winds are unforgiving, and even in his heavy uniform, he’s still shivering. When he sees the Quaffle being thrown up again, he dives right for it, grabbing it right out of Chan’s grasp and speeds right for the goal posts.

 

When NingNing zooms in front of him, he tosses the Quaffle back to Lami, who moves closer to the posts, Lucas on her tail. NingNing scowls at Jeno briefly before flying off in their direction. Jeno just smiles placidly. She hadn’t understood the concept of _no strings attached,_ but it’s not Jeno’s fault, when he made it abundantly clear.

 

And then, a flash of blonde. Jeno all but pauses mid air, looking into the raised stands for spectators. _Renjun._ He would recognize him anywhere. They lock eyes briefly, and Renjun, eyes wide, gives a little wave.

 

 _He’s so beautiful,_ Jeno thinks dreamily, grinning back. Then, Renjun’s face morphs into one of horror.

 

“ _Jeno Lee,_ you _fucking--_ freaking-- idiot--” He hears Donghyuck’s panic-laden voice somewhere in the distance. Then, there’s an awful pain as the Quaffle slams into his stomach, and he slips off his broom, toppling to the ground below. Everything goes black.

 

\--

 

“ _Shut up,_ he’s waking up--”

 

“ _You_ shut up you’re the one who was talking in the first place--”

 

Jeno blinks slowly, his entire body feeling like a dead weight. He looks up at the raised ceiling, smells fresh linen and disinfectant. When his eyes finally focus, Jaemin and Donghyuck are peering at him with wide eyes.

 

“ _Shit,_ man. You scared us,” Donghyuck hisses.

 

“What happened?” Jeno croaks, wincing at the roughness in his voice. His lips are chapped and burning, and there’s no moisture in his mouth.

 

“Uhm, you were too busy making googly eyes at Renjun Huang to catch the fucking Quaffle and fell off your broom,” Jaemin says, straight to the point. “You wanna explain that?”

 

Jeno feels his face heating up in embarrassment. Was it really that obvious? “How long have I been here?” Here, being the infirmary. Jeno’s left hand is in a sling, and his body is starting to throb with pain now that he’s fully conscious.

 

Donghyuck purses his lips. “Two days. Madame Kang kept you under while your bones were healing. You’re lucky you didn’t _die,_ idiot.”

 

“I’ll be able to play again, though, right?”

 

Jaemin and Donghyuck roll their eyes in sync. “Yeah sure, but your punk ass is benched the rest of the term.” Jaemin draws his fist back, like he’s going to punch Jeno, but lowers it, sighing.

 

The heavy wooden doors open then, and everyone turns to watch Renjun hurry into the infirmary with Bongsik in his arms. He pauses when he notices Donghyuck and Jaemin, but seems to visibly steel himself before approaching Jeno’s bed, his face carefully composed, though his eyes are clouded with worry.

 

“Renjun,” Jeno breathes, and he feels like he can _breathe_ again. Renjun is truly a sight for sore eyes.

 

“Hi, Jeno,” he says, his voice quiet and soothing as he stops at Jeno’s bedside. “How’re you feeling?”

 

“Better now that you’re here,” Jeno says, then balks. He must still be on some kind of medication, because there’s no way he would say that if he had full control of his brain. On second thought, maybe he would.

 

Jaemin and Donghyuck seem similarly stunned, their jaws dropping. To Jeno’s utter relief, Renjun just rolls his eyes. “Stupid,” he mutters fondly, before glancing warily at Jeno’s friends. “I just came by to see how you were doing. And… Bongsik misses you.”

 

Jeno looks at the regal Russian Blue in Renjun’s arms, who has betrayed him so many times now he’s lost count. Bongsik looks like she couldn’t care less if Jeno was dead in a ditch, purring in Renjun’s arms. “Right,” he says, mouth twitching up into a smile. For a moment, it’s just the two of them, grinning at each other because of an unsaid joke.

 

Donghyuck clears his throat, and they turn their attention to him. “So, uh. Are you guys--”

 

“No!” Jeno yelps at the same time Renjun says, “Yes?” They look at each other, bewildered.

 

“We’re not friends, Jeno?” Renjun asks. _Friends?_ Is that what Donghyuck meant?

 

“Oh, yeah! Of course we are--” Jeno clears his throat awkwardly, desperately wishing for water. Renjun sighs, letting Bongsik down on the bed to grab a glass on the bedside table and pour him water from a pitcher. “Friends.” He grunts as he pushes himself up in bed, and takes the water from Renjun with a mumbled thanks.

 

“Uhm… anyway, I should get going,” Renjun says after Jeno’s drained the cup. He fidgets nervously, eyeing Jaemin and Donghyuck, who still look a little shell shocked. Jeno’s heart drops immediately.

 

“Do you have to?” Jeno’s voice comes out as a pathetic whine. He reaches out with his right hand (his left is in a cast), and Renjun takes it, squeezing his fingers lightly.

 

“Yeah but… maybe I’ll come back later? I got your notes and assignments from the classes you missed.”

 

“ _Junnie._ ” Now Jeno is really whining, because of _course,_ Renjun is thinking about classes, because he’s a smart, responsible student, who has his priorities straight.

 

Renjun shoots Jaemin and Donghyuck another wary look, cheeks dusting pink. “I’m gonna go--” He gently tugs his hand out of Jeno’s, and all but flees out of the infirmary, his robes rustling against his feet.

 

Jaemin is the first to break the silence. “So… when did _that_ happen?”

 

Jeno smiles sheepishly. He’s not entirely sure why he kept his and Renjun’s friendship a secret. Maybe it has to do with that strange possessiveness he has whenever Renjun is involved. He wants Renjun to himself, before his annoying friends can get involved.

 

“... You know in second year? When he dyed his hair red?” Jeno asks carefully. It feels kind of stupid and exceptionally shallow. But maybe it was a sign, some sort of divine intervention. Renjun is special, and his fire-engine red hair was just a marker, calling to Jeno’s attention the spectacular person who wore the color so well.

 

(A month later, Jaemin accidentally turns Jeno’s hair ash blonde. By the time they find a counterspell, Jeno’s decided to keep it.

 

Maybe if he changes his hair, Renjun will notice him too.)

  


VII.

 

 

Renjun’s eyes dart to Jeno’s. In that moment, he can’t move, he can’t _breathe._  A million different ideas go through his mind, trying to answer the question of _what the hell just happened?_

 

But Jeno knows.

 

Renjun knows too, judging by look of absolute guilt on his face. For a minute, it’s just the two of them, the rest of the class blurring out along the margins of Jeno’s consciousness. In a twisted, ironic way, it’s funny. _Of course,_ when Jeno decided to try something so absolutely moronic, it actually worked. And _of course,_ the one person who could read Jeno’s mind is the person he’s been crushing on for the last six years.

 

“--Mr. Huang, are you alright?”

 

Jeno’s attention snaps back to Professor Lee, who is at Renjun’s side, eyebrows furrowed in concern. Renjun flushes all the way down to the neck. The classroom is filling with the whispers and giggles of their classmates, ignorant to what has just happened.

 

“I-- Can I go to the infirmary, professor?” Renjun squeaks. Professor Lee’s face seems to color with understanding, and he nods, face grim. Renjun is up in a flash, all but sprinting out of the classroom. Jeno wants to run after him, demand an explanation, but he’s rooted to his spot.

 

He doesn’t know whether to feel embarrassed or betrayed.

 

\--

 

“Okay, so this is kinda weird,” Donghyuck says, looking up from the thick, dust-laden book in front of him. He, Jeno, and Jaemin had spent the last few days in the library, looking up everything they could on legilimency.

 

Before that, of course, Donghyuck and Jaemin _laughed_ at him. It took them a while to sober up, but after a week of not seeing Renjun _anywhere_ around the castle, and Jeno wilting with each passing day, they decided something needed to be done.

 

Jeno grunts, looking up from his own book, vision swimming. He doesn’t think he’s ever read so much in the entire time he’s been at Hogwarts.

 

“So there are two types of Legilimens, right? Natural-born and practiced.” Jeno nods; he’d been able to gleen this much from his own readings. “But as far as most people know, all Legilimens need to maintain eye contact to read minds.”

 

“Technically, it’s not mind reading. It’s like… really educated guessing of thoughts and feelings,” Jaemin adds. Donghyuck pulls a face and rolls his eyes.

 

“ _Anyway,_ so how could Renjun hear you screaming in your head if he sits at the front of the class? How could he have heard _anything_ you were thinking unless you guys were staring right at each other?”

 

That stumps Jeno. Given what they know about legilimency, nothing really seems to fit Jeno’s experiences with Renjun exactly. Jaemin sighs, crossing his arms over his book and resting his chin on them. “You should just ask him.” Jaemin looks pointedly at Jeno.

 

He ducks his head down. “I dunno… if he could read my mind the whole time, then he knows I like him, right? Why wouldn’t he say anything?” Despite the fact between the two of them, Donghyuck and Jaemin always seem to have all the answers, they have nothing to say about that.

 

“The only way we’ll ever figure it out is if you ask.”

 

\--

 

It’s particularly cold the night Jeno makes his way to Professor Seo’s cottage, as if the weather is also hell-bent on giving him a hard time. He knocks on the door, anxiety twisting in his gut. He doesn’t really know what to say, but when Professor Seo opens the door and takes in what his probably Jeno’s pitiful state, his face softens with sympathy.

 

“He’s feeding the flock,” Professor Seo says, and Jeno nods in understanding. He’s proud to say he’s done this enough times now that he can venture into the Forbidden Forest without fear.

 

There are still plenty of other things Jeno is afraid of, though, and when he spots Renjun petting one of the thestrals, he thinks of about a hundred more. His feet disturb the detritus on the forest floor, and Renjun jerks his head when Jeno accidentally steps on a particularly noisy twig.

 

“Oh, Jeno. Hi.”

 

Jeno winces, because that’s not exactly a warm welcome. He’s not sure what he expected, but it’s definitely not this-- a cold facade, devoid of the warmth Jeno knows Renjun is capable of. It’s as if the last seven years of this careful friendship didn’t exist, and that’s probably what hurts the most. It feels like a rejection, on top of everything else.

 

“Hi. Can we… uh. Talk?” Renjun just shrugs, as if to concede. He pats the thestral, who nods once in Jeno’s direction, before trotting off. Despite the flock’s familiarity with Jeno, they don’t care much for him.

 

Renjun grabs what Jeno has affectionately dubbed the Meat Buckets, and heads off in the direction of the stream. Jeno follows after him, and he feels like an idiot for feeling even remotely pleased by being physically close to Renjun again. After the Transfigurations class, Renjun didn’t show up to any lessons for the remainder of the week. He was there the next week, but there was never a chance for Jeno to come up to him. Jeno is kind of an idiot, but he knows when someone is actively avoiding him.

 

Renjun squats by the stream and washes his hands in the water. Jeno winces-- it’s probably frigid, but Renjun doesn’t even flinch at the temperature; he just cleans his hands and wipes them on his robes carelessly.

 

There’s a cluster of large rocks along the bank, and Renjun sits on one with a flat top. Jeno sits across from him. Jeno had debated on what to say for days, and ultimately, he could only think of one thing. “I think… I deserve an explanation.”

 

All at once, Renjun’s stone-cold facade melts, and he curls in on himself. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

 

“Does anybody else know? Are you registered? When did this even happen?” The questions tumble out all at once, and Jeno is helpless to stop them.

 

Renjun looks at Jeno carefully. “I’ve been a registered Legilimens since I was four. My mother and grandparents know. And Professor Lee knows too-- he’s been helping me since my first year.” It was common knowledge that Professor Lee was a powerful, self-taught Legilimens. Jeno had found himself wondering, once, whether he knew about Renjun. If all the professors at Hogwarts knew.

 

“Helping you with what?” is Jeno’s next question.

 

Renjun draws his knees up and wraps his arms around them, looking smaller than he already is. “I’ve always… had a hard time controlling it. I’m a natural-born Legilimens, so my… ability isn’t necessarily textbook. I can hear people even when I’m not looking at them, and growing up, it used to drive me crazy, hearing everyone’s thoughts all the time, even when I didn’t want to.”

 

Jeno’s heart jerks in sympathy, imagining a very small Renjun, hurting because of something he couldn’t help. “Most people my age didn’t like that, so I never really had friends until I came to Hogwarts. I didn’t want to tell anyone.”

 

“But…” _What about me?_ Jeno wants to ask. _Am I just like everybody else?_ Then he realizes Renjun can probably hear that, and heat floods his cheeks.

 

“That’s why,” Renjun says softly. “You would have just… second-guessed your thoughts. Legilimency is so… invasive. It would have just driven you away. It was selfish. And--” It seems to take a great deal of effort to stop that train of thought, because Renjun winces.

 

“And what?” Jeno tries.

 

Renjun sighs, turning his head so he’s not looking in Jeno’s direction. “My mom. She’s a Legilimens too. After my biological father left, she just sort of… snapped, I guess. She started practicing Dark magic. Used her ability to hurt people. She’s like me, so--” The words come out choked, like they’re physically painful to say out loud.

 

“You’re nothing like her,” Jeno says, without really thinking about it. He doesn’t have to, because deep down, he _knows_ Renjun is good. He’s compassionate and kind, and he would never try to hurt anyone deliberately. “I mean like… every animal you’ve ever met loves you. If that’s not an indication of who you are as a person, then... “ Jeno shrugs.

 

Renjun’s cheeks are pink when he hazards a glance at Jeno again. “I’m trying my best to control it,” he murmurs, in lieu of a response.

 

“And how is that going?” Jeno asks, feeling some of the knots in his chest unwind.

 

“Uh… it’s going okay. I mean. I’ve mostly got it under control. It’s just--” Jeno raises an eyebrow when Renjun pauses again. Renjun sighs, rolling his eyes, and stares resolutely at the tops of his knees. “It’s hard to reign in. With... certain people.”

 

“Certain people,” Jeno echoes, because he has some idea of where this is going.

 

Renjun clears his throat, clearly not wanting to elaborate any more on the subject, but Jeno just watches him patiently. “If I… spend a lot of time… thinking about some people, I just kinda--” Renjun waves his hands as an explanation.

 

“Your mind sorta like, syncs up with theirs,” Jeno guesses.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Which is why you heard me in class, even though you’re mostly in control, and you weren’t making eye contact with me.”

 

“Yes.” Renjun’s practically gnawing on lip at this point.

 

“Because you spend a lot of time thinking. About me.”

 

Renjun grimaces. “Yes.”

 

“Oh.” Jeno fights back a smile, because now he’s _extremely_ pleased. More pleased than the time Jaemin got caught by Professor Moon cheating on the Divinations midterm last month. But there’s still one thing that’s bothering him. “If you knew that your… uh. _Feelings,_ were reciprocated--” Which is code for Jeno making an ass of himself for the last six years. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you confess or something, if you knew that I’d--” _That I would die for you,_ Jeno’s brain helpfully supplies. He and Renjun flush simultaneously.

 

“It’s… well part of it is what I told you. I would have had to tell you, and I didn’t know how you would react. If you would just… stop. Which I would totally understand, because I wouldn’t want anyone in my head either--” Renjun rambles.

 

“And the other part?” When did Jeno’s heart start racing? When did all the anxiety bubbling in his stomach totally disappear, replaced with a new thrill, a stupid giddiness?

 

Renjun looks at Jeno, sheepish. “It’s stupid. I just… I was hoping you would… say it first? I guess. I’m not really good with this sort of stuff--”

 

Jeno raises his eyebrows. “And I am?”

 

“I mean, you’ve had like a million girlfriends and boyfriends--”

 

“I’ve never had a girlfriend or boyfriend.”

 

Renjun scowls. “What about all those people you dated? Everybody knows about that alcove on the sixth floor.”

 

Jeno winces. The alcove on the sixth floor had built an unfortunately notorious reputation for being the place Jeno took people to make out. It’s hard to think of it as significant, because whenever he was kissing someone, he was always thinking about Renjun. “I wasn’t dating them. I was just…” Jeno shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter, _they_ don’t matter. I-- I care about _you,_ Renjun.”

 

When Renjun doesn’t look at him, Jeno gets up from his spot, wincing at the numbness of sitting on cold stone for an extended period of time. He walks up to Renjun slowly, before crouching down. “Renjun,” he says softly, titling Renjun’s chin up with his fingers. Idly, he realizes this is the first time he’s touched Renjun’s face, that they’ve been this close. “Look at me.” Renjun looks up, his eyes darting across the expanse of Jeno’s face. “Look me in the eyes,” he clarifies.

 

“I like you, Renjun. So much.” He keeps his eyes on Renjun and thinks about the past seven years, and every defining moment he’s shared with Renjun. He _really really_ likes Renjun. He can’t say he’s in love, because he doesn’t think he’s really old enough to know what love is. But with time, Jeno thinks he could be. Totally head over heels, madly in love with Renjun Huang, Ravenclaw.

 

Renjun’s eyes widen. “Jeno…”

 

 _I really want to kiss you,_ he thinks, over and over again, like a mantra, until Renjun’s blushing prettily again. From this close, Jeno can take his time and look over Renjun’s deceptively delicate features, the curve of his mouth, the way his shaggy blonde hair falls over his forehead and eyes.

 

“Yes,” Renjun breathes. Jeno doesn’t know who leans in first, only that once their mouths are pressed together, nothing seems to matter much. He’d dreamt of this for such a long time, but nothing comes close to the reality of Renjun’s lips, cold and slightly chapped, but unbearably soft. Jeno presses closer, hungry for a taste of Renjun’s mouth, the feel of his breath on Jeno’s skin.

 

Jeno doesn’t know how long they stay like this, only that his calves are burning by the time they pull apart. Renjun looks dazed, and Jeno feels like he could fly up into the stratosphere even without his Cleansweep 5000. “For the record,” Jeno says, voice a little rough. “I forgive you. For the mind reading thing.”

 

Renjun’s lips twitch up. “You must be really embarrassed. Some of the stuff you thought about me--” He shakes his head in mock scandal.

 

Jeno laughs, because he’s really not that embarrassed anymore, now that he knows his feelings are requited. (What’s the point? When he can kiss Renjun and hold his hand whenever he feels like it now?) Renjun shoves him back. “Sap,” he mumbles, but there’s no real bite to his words.

 

“There’s one thing you can do to make it up to me now, though,” Jeno says, keeping his face straight. Renjun tilts his head. Jeno smirks. “Meet me at the alcove on the sixth floor.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> i hope everyone takes care of themselves this holiday season. in this time especially, i think community and compassion are the most important things. i am always available on twt @ taewinnies and i am happy to talk with anyone! be kind to yourselves and others. life is too short to keep darkness in our hearts. til next time! 
> 
>  
> 
> \- nini
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/hyuckheis) || [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/hyuckheis) || [tumblr ](https://hvuckheis.tumblr.com/)


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